Masterson of None

Last week, I made an passing remark about the misfortune of Danny Masterson's continued existence, particularly as a working actor. And now, he's been fired from The Ranch, a show people only knew about because of the women who came forward accusing Masterson of rape.

This show seems great. 

It wasn't until Father of a Daughter/Netflix exec Andy Yeatman unknowingly told one of Masterson's victims that he and his fellow higher ups and the company don't believe the woman at their daughters' soccer game that Scientology finally lost this battle. Oops! 

The Ranch, a show that exists, will carry forth with DJ Mom Jeans' pal/That 70s Show co-star, Ashton Kutcher. Great! Thank god we'll still have the art. 

It cannot be a coincidence that Sunday night, Kutcher and his former That 70s Show love interest and current wife made their first ever red carpet appearance as a couple (in fact, their first together in 17 years.) They're not a particularly private couple. Is Ashton Kutcher even capable of that? They've even appeared on The Bachelorette together. 

The red carpet in question was for the Sixth Annual Breakthrough Awards, which E! insists is "the Oscars of Science." So it's not an appearance anyone was hotly anticipating from them, and their individual attendance would have registered about as much as The Ranch when you're scrolling through Netflix. But they knew this milestone, a red carpet after a wedding and two children, could make the sort of squeaky-clean headlines that would populate the top search results for them today. Ah, damage control. 

The photos were appropriately lovey-dovey and the message here isn't difficult to unravel: What's The Ranch? (No, seriously, we're still unclear.) But haha we're sooo happpy! 
It reminded me immediately of this blind item about Mila and Trashton. 

I would love it if Mila left him! For one, like Lena Dunham, he is an official LinkedIn celebrity influencer. Always a red flag. But he made it worse earlier this year and made a LinkedIn post that a bunch of people actually read. We all know that LinkedIn posts, like The Ranch, are not made to be viewed. But his was so bad that it it had to be ripped apart, essentially reducing the presence women in the workplace as obstacles in the way of the success of heterosexual men. He also discouraged January Jones from pursuing her career when the were together, soooo.

Masterson's marriage to Bijou Phillips is supposedly a sham, too. There's been some chatter that she's actually living with her very tall kidney donor boyfriend in Joshua Tree, which seems about right. 

My only hope is that Danny Masterson is an organ donor so one day, he can finally make himself useful.