I Get Wed

Bennifer Deluxe, Kat Dennings & Andrew WK and John Mulaney and Olivia Munn!

Hi Trissue Boxes,

Spring is in the air and it is my utmost pleasure to report that the celebs are at it again. It’s so lawless! I love it!

I will get to my #1 celeb couple, Kourtney Kardashian and Travis Barker, at a later date once I have tattooed their love story on my body, but for now, the landscape is plenty lush.

This Is Me…Ben

Of course, the original Bennifer is back, or at least Jennifer Lopez and Ben Affleck went to Montana together. Lopez recently ended her engagement to Alex Rodriguez amid rumors of his infidelity and Affleck has not cohabitated with the cardboard cutout of Ana de Armas for some time.

I’m looking forward to a couple’s Dunkin trip so we know it’s real, but Lopez does not seem to be much of a coffee drinker herself.

HOWEVER, last year she invested in Super Coffee with the fiance ARod, as seen on Shark Tank, so maybe a new coffee brand financial allegiance is just what she needs to break free.

Woo Broke Girls

Kat Dennings and the current model of Andrew WK are engaged.

Yes in case you were wondering, he is promoting a new album right now and she is in his latest music video. Please enjoy this slideshow of the couples “cutest photos” which spans all of ten days.

Dennings has previously dated Nick Zano, Josh Groban and Mathew Gray Gubler.

The Newsroom in Town

I’m fascinated by (and suspicious of) how this story has played out in the press. Comedian John Mulaney is reportedly dating Olivia Munn after completing his most recent stay in rehab in February. If it’s in People, it’s true. They apparently, “met at church in Los Angeles,” but also met at Seth Meyers’ wedding in 2013 when she was dating Will Forte? Whatever the case, it doesn’t come out of nowhere.

This news comes just three days after Page Six confirmed the news that Mulaney is divorcing his wife of six years, Anna Marie Tendler, an artist and author who has been taking exceptional goth divorce self portraits. Former Wife Guy Mulaney reported initiated the divorce three months ago. “I am heartbroken that John has decided to end our marriage,” said Tendler via a spokesperson. “I wish him support and success as he continues his recovery.” The former couple share a dog, Petunia, which they seem to be coparenting based on recent sightings. The news coincided with Mulaney’s return to the stage for a run of intimate standup dates in NYC with social media strictly forbidden, but you can get a rundown should you wish.

Tendler previously dated Ricky Van Veen, the College Humor co-founder who used to be married to Allison Williams but isn’t anymore. That couple met at a Bachelor viewing party but somehow it didn’t work out.

Mulaney checked himself into rehab late last year after relapsing with prescription pills, cocaine and alcohol. He reportedly broke his long run of sobriety in 2018 and privately checked into rehab back in September 2020 and again publicly in December following an intervention orchestrated by famous people but also non famous people. Bizarrely, hosting SNL twice was part of his attempt at recovery?

It’s interesting to see Mulaney, a very famous person who was not previously a subject of tabloid fodder, seem to strategically work with the media to deliver personal details. It is easier, certainly, than personally responding to speculation. In Demi Moore’s book, Inside Out, which I recommend, she recalls how tabloids got word of the couple’s divorce months ahead of when they hoped to announce, so they immediately drafted their own statement to distribute via their publicists in a matter of hours.

These days, celebs frequently deliver uncomfortable news by posting a statement on Instagram with comments turned off. There’s no right way to announce your divorce, but I’m curious as to why Mulaney seems to be using such traditional methods. I can’t help but feel Mulaney’s camp is trying to get ahead of stories (photos?) or working under some sort of catch and kill deal with the timing of it all. In the past few days, the Celeb Gossip internet has been lit up with rumors of Mulaney’s infidelity that have not been substantiated in any reliable way, but when has that really mattered? Meeting an age appropriate woman at church is a wholesome counter-narrative.

Best of luck to Anna Marie, John and Olivia. Not to be a control troll, but I don’t know of any recovery programs that approve of addicts entering new relationships so early in their recovery, so I’m skeptical. I hope church helps! I will be praying for Mulaney’s publicist.

You may remember that Olivia Munn previously dated Chris Pine and sportsman and guest Jeopardy! host Aaron Rodgers. Rodgers dated vroom vroom lady Danica Patrick after his relationship with Munn ended and apparently jumped headfirst into his current relationship with Shailene Woodley. The timeline is fuzzy and it is a relationship I do not feel I will ever have the wherewith-all to properly address.

xoxo

Trennifer Traffleck

PS If you have some money to spare, please help provide aid for the Palestinian people.

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