Lettuce Grow our own ways: Property Brooey Deschanel
Her marriage is over, but Zooey Deschanel is open to the concept of love.
Zooey Deschanel is dating a Property Brother! Zooey Deschanel is dating a Property Bother!!!!
Look, I will not pretend I was not a bit surprised when Zooey and her husband of four years, producer Jacob Pechenik, announced their split. I know very little of their relationship other than that they agreed to name a child Elsie Otter (like…sea otter) and own some sort of vegetable garden subscription service together called Lettuce Grow. He’s no Ben Gibbard, but the few moments of my life devoted to their coupling seemed to be a firm tug against the universe’s entropy.
Source: Lettuce Grow
Her marriage is over, but Zooey Deschanel is open to the concept of love.
Apparently their pun-based marriage dissolved a few months ago, and the announcement was timed to pave the way for Zooey to announce a new romance and possibly renovate her public image, which has been in need of fixing up lately. A few days after Zooey and her husband announced the split in a statement, Hollywood Life posted photos of Zooey and the Property Brother (Jonathan, if that matters to you, but it doesn’t) holding hands arriving at Little Dom’s in Silverlake. Although Zooey hasn’t been a paparazzi fixture in recent years, it’s possible that photographers were trailing her specifically because of the divorce announcement. Possible.
BUT! I fully believe these photos are staged. Celebrities are frequently photographed outside Little Dom’s, so it’s not exactly a place to go if you’re hoping to keep a new relationship under wraps. In the photos, they’re holding hands and gazing into each other’s eyes with little regard for where they’re walking. In one, Property Brother appears to be staring directly into the lens and smiling.
It’s also interesting that the photos seem to belong exclusively to Hollywood Life and not a photo agency. Upon their publication, the blog also had a few details about their relationship that wouldn’t learn merely observing the couple branching. They found love in a hopeless place (taping Carpool Karaoke with their siblings.) They started out “as friends,” but also met in August so…I don’t really even know what that means?
I do not love the caption, “Met some new humans today. We had fun. I think I’ll keep them.” I do not love it! Humans are not property, even for Property Bros.
Since Hollywood Life published the EXCLUSIVE photos, they also published an EXCLUSIVE INTERVIEW with Zooey’s ex at some Lemonade event where he said he was “happy” and promoted Lettuce Grow. And then Hollywood Life published an EXCLUSIVE interview with the Property Brothers in which the Property Brother dating Zooey Deschanel talked about the new girl in his life, Zooey Deschanel, and they promoted their new children’s book, Builder Brothers: Better Together. Maybe Elsie Otter and Charlie Wolf will read it.
I think this couple will make it at least 500 days! Zooey seems like she’s ok with adult men wearing newsboy caps and tweed vests with jeans. Her ex looks like a mix between a Property Brother and Justin Theroux and a Wall Street guy, so there’s that.
Plus, they’ve both been in musical duos! Could he be the new him in She & Him? Sample Scott Brothers lyric: “My favorite place is where I’ve never been.” Whoa.
Prior to his HGTV fame, he worked as a magician and a flight attendant. I don’t know if he likes The Smiths.
As for Zooey…it’s sort of unclear where her career is headed. To me, she peaked as the star of The Offspring’s “She’s Got Issues” video and I implore the band to record this newsletter’s theme song, “She’s Got Trissues.”
Since New Girl began in 2011, Zooey hasn’t done much other acting work. 7 years of a sitcom is a lot, though. The same year the show began, she pivoted to media (relatable mistake) and cofounded HelloGiggles, which sold to Time, Inc. in 2015. I guess Lettuce Grow is her main gig now? Which, actually, I’m into! Trissues is a plant-based celebrity gossip newsletter.
Her Instagram presence these days is limited and confusing. She posts a lot of what I would call SponCon if it actually appeared to be sponsored, which it doesn’t, certainly not as far as the FTC would be concerned. It’s just photo shoots of her promoting eco friendly items like metal straws and silicone Stasher bags. Trissues is a celebrity gossip newsletter that’s firmly against single use plastic, so cool? Big Metal Straw, please sponsor me.
It’s just odd to me because Zooey has never been shy about doing actual ad campaigns. Remember when she like made an entire EP for the cotton industry and asked Siri if it’s raining? If she’s pivoting to lifestyle influencer, great! Give her an HGTV show where she helps families make their homes green and help them grow tomatoes and paint walls baby blue or whatever. It’s like The Happening, but cute! (PS v excited for M Night Shyamalan’s guest starring role on This Is Us!)
TRISSUES RECOMMENDS
I liked Hustlers a lot! I encourage you to read this review for a stripper’s perspective on the movie.
As far as music, my stance that there is TOO MUCH remains. I’ve been listening to the new Charli XCX album mostly. Gone, White Mercedes, February 2017, and Thoughts are favorites right now. The new (Sandy) Alex G album is great, too. Not sure if I will even survive the Jenny Hval and Caroline Polachek albs the singles have been so good!
xoxo Trooey