it's physically impossible for me to not speculate about taylor swift's breakup
you're on your own kid
Taylor Swift had a boyfriend and now she doesn’t.
Swift and the pauper Joe Alwyn have parted ways. You know how Ali Wong did a stand up special about wanting to cheat on her husband now that’s she’s famous and then she got divorced and started dating Bill Hader, the man who gave Rachel Bilson her first orgasm at 38?
Well, that’s what Midnights is.
The relationship ran its course…the man trying to be a movie star doesn’t actually want to be famous…growing apart…yawn yawn. Early reports from tabloids were total lip service.
But apparently Swift and Alwyn were in the process of buying a mansion “together.” To me, that doesn’t sound like a relationship winding down.
And now the Haim sisters have unfollowed Joe! He lost the Haims! And Ryan Reynolds seems to have unfollowed his Instagram after dining with Swift and his wife, Blake Lively. I was a media intern in NYC when 1989 came out. Her golden era of pap walks! I have died a thousand times since then, but this is bringing me back to life.
http://twitter.com/PopBase/status/1649433971581947904
Joe also did a pap walk, the point of which seems to relay the message that a man has never been more wounded.
Taylor apparently had more conversations with friends. The producers unfollowed, and I really feel for Joe because it must suck to be a dude who can’t listen to The National after a breakup. Jack Antonoff and ex Lena Dunham, who directed Alwyn in Catherine Called Birdie which I hear is pretty good and I’ve been meaning to watch, united in support of Swift. Oh and so many models.
I have also seen Austin Swift (yes, it may shock you to learn that Taylor Alison Swift is not an only child) on lists of “celeb” friends that unfollowed Joe, which is very cute. The evidence of Austin being a celeb is a tweet about a movie no one saw in 2016.
I forgive you if you don’t understand the weight of Reynolds’ unfollow, but Taylor Swift’s friend Ryan previously spoke very highly of Alwyn. I also think he’s probably extremely petty.
Taylor Swift is rich and clever enough to only be seen when she wants to be seen, and for the duration of her relationship with Alwyn, she generally chose to avoid paparazzi because she can buy entire buildings and garages in Manhattan. Yet, since the news broke, she’s been papped several times going out in New York.
My personal theory is that Toe had a few breaks over the course of their relationship but worked things out and were able to keep it out of the tabloids. The past few albums have had a lot of songs about conflict in a long-term relationship that may not all be autobiographical but came from somewhere.
They were on a break again, which would make total sense because adjusting from their cute lil staying home and playing the piano vibe to Taylor prepping for a massive tour put a very understandable strain on the relationship.
I don’t think this time it was necessarily going to be permanent, but after the information got out, Taylor decided she was done for good since the leak violated her trust. Her Sisterhood of the Traveling Leather Pants probably also thought Toe was forever until Taylor saw them IRL and told them that they are never ever getting back together. Like ever!
I went to the Eras tour over the weekend and Taylor is so, so good at being a pop star. She was fully just on stage bleeding and didn’t miss a beat. It even made me reconsider Vigilante Shit because the staging reminded me of Chicago and I guess I like thinking that Taylor Swift caused Scooter Braun’s divorce. Beabadoobee was incredible.
Who knows Scooter and Kristen Cavallari actually went on a date, but I do think this is the funniest and also natural outcome of their respective divorces.
Before I let you go, I went on Who Cares About the Rock Hall? to talk about Sheryl Crow. As much as I tried to focus on the music, there is no force in the universe strong enough to keep me from bashing Sheryls exes.
xoxo t