I Miss Emily Ratajakowsi's Ex-Boyfriend
A big Emily RatajaCONGRATSki is in order! Our girl got married.
But what should have been the happiest day of my life quickly devolved into despair. For one, Chrissy Teigen and I weren't invited! It was a simple courthouse ceremony, because no one gets married in Vegas anymore unless they plan on inviting Tiffany Trump.
But what really threw me though a loop is the groom, who was NOT EmRata's longtime boyfriend, but some other dude she started dating a couple weeks before they got hitched, Sebastian Bear-McClard.
The real tragedy in all this is that I had to learn his name, which is definitely not as good as as good as Sebastian Bear-McClard, I will concede. For now, though, he's still winning the Google search battle.
Why, you may rightly ask, would I have any need to know the name of Emily Ratajakowsi's ex-boyfriend, the Platonic ideal of That Guy? Fashion, bay-beeeeeeee!
Sit back and snuggle up with Annie Clark if at all possible. It's time for some looks.
For me, the best part of an eye-catching look is thinking about everything that had to happen for it to come together. My pal Ana has a very charming podcast about that subject, but because I'm not a fun person, I see a celebrity on the red carpet and consider the email chains it took for the finished product to strut along.
This is very good.
Karla Welch is my favorite stylist right now (besides Kanye West), mostly due to her impressive roster of clients, which includes Tracee Ellis Ross, Lorde, and Biebs. Welch is a real gem, because unlike many of the celebrity stylists who have achieved name recognition like Rachel Zoe, she doesn't have one look she pushes on clients. It's corny, but a great stylist enhances the personal style of their client. That's why Lady Bird's mom is a good stylist!
Monica Rose, for some time, was looking like she was bound for Zoe's particular breed of starlet-clone notoriety before she was fired by the Kardashians (and Gigi Hadid shortly thereafter) under mysterious circumstances. Reports from Page Six and TMZ indicated that she was stealing from her clients, assuming that a few extra charges on her clients credit cards and missing promotional gifts would fly under the radar. But Kris Jenner was involved, so...
These curiously-timed subtweets from Khloe didn't help matters.
I suspect what went down isn't as dire as it initially seemed, because Chrissy Teigen, noted Kardashian associat and bullshit intolerant human, is still styled by Rose. I think it had a lot more to do with how repetitive and easy to replicate her looks were becoming. Black, tan, lace up bodysuits, chokers...she too deft at trendsetting for her own good. Once you could get everything at Fashion Nova or Khloe kopied it for Good American, it was time to mooove on. This Which Monica Rose Trend Are You? quiz on Racked really hammers in the point. I got MONOCHROMATIC, by the way.
Monica Rose's grid circa 2016
The family has slowly been cutting loose quite a few longtime employees, including Kim's security guard at the time of the Paris robbery. Another got the boot after Kylie caught them covertly filming her in her own house during her hush-hush pregnancy. Who did Kylie trust, though? White Trash Tyler. That's what he goes by on Instagram, anyway. Tyler Ross shot that Academy Award worthy short of Kylie's pregnancy co-starring her BFF Jordyn Woods. He's been documenting the West/Kardashian family for years now alongside photographer Eli Russell Linnetz, and has been working on a Travis Scott documentary keeping up with the most important person in Stormi's life after Kylie, Jordyn, and Kris.
But the most significant layoff in the Kardashian family has to be Steph Shep, who went from Kim's assistant to COO of Kim's kompany. Apparently, she wanted more control, and that just wasn't gonna happen. Steph Shep was responsible for a lot of the KIMOJI merch, which never really quite made sense in Kim's karefully kurated world.
The most jarring example of this was the KIMOJI festival drop, featuring lots of tie die and some branded rolling papers. It didn't really seem to have anything to do with the Kim Kardashian the world sees, clad in neutrals and too much of a control freak to really enjoy drugs or alcohol.
For what it's worth, Kim framed the KIMOJI line as an expression of her alter egos, but it still didn't quiiite line up and the brand seems to have mostly shuttered. KIMOJI.COM now redirects to a page selling her limited-edition Valentine's Day fragrances. She's a beauty mogul and she wants you to know it! I guess whenever I get a new phone, I'll need to buy an unauthorized Kim K sobbing case to replace my beloved iPhone 6's protector.
Now Kim is back to being a full-time Yeezy spokesmodel. The Wests have been breaking up their gray sweatsuits slowly but surely lately. A peach bodysuit on Kim was followed a few days later by a peach cap on Kanye.
On Valentine's day, Kim stepped out in a hot pink sports bra after (presumably) receiving the gift of a pink mood board in her inbox from her beloved husband. The test-run seems to have gone over well, because Kim debuted cotton candy locks shortly after. This era came to a close the same day Kris Jenner wore a platinum blonde wig to test out Kim's style on Keeping Up With the Kardashians and shortly after the platinum blonde Kim clones from the Yeezy Season 6 campaign invaded Times Square. And so, after months of meticulous planning, Kim's wig had the green light to transition.
And then, there are the Jeffs of the world who are a complete mystery. You've probably already forgotten who Jeff is, so here's all you need to know: he dated Emily Ratajakowski, he's totally been to Coachella, and I'm obsessed with his personal style. And by that, I mean that it's an enigma.
The way this man plays with proportions is fascinating. The barely-there brim of this hat? It's oppressive to have to choose between a beanie and a fedora, and Jeff will have none of it.
I think his signature look, apart from v necks and chest hair, is tiny blazers with one button buttoned to keep things nice and snug.
This is just good. I have nothing snarky to say. I just like it.
Same here. Wear more blankets, people!
Jeff, I hope you move on from this and date someone who is also a frequent paparazzi subject. I miss your street style dearly.
BEFORE WE GO, I wanted to share some of my personal recommendations to enhance your week. I plan on making this a weekly feature and coming up with an insufferable name for it
Malcolm, December 2017
MUSIC: I have mostly been listening to Kacey Musgraves this week. "Space Cowboy" is an absolute must and I cannot wait to see her open for Harry Styles!!!!!!! Please ignore Jimmy Fallon's stupid face and watch this performance, because it's great. Also on constant repeat, unwashed power couple (and two of my faves individually and together!) Sky Ferreira and Elias Ronnefel collaborated on the new Iceage single. "Pain Killer."
READING: Speaking of Iceage, loved reading Richard Hell on 'em. Did you read his book? It's great and I Dreamed I Was a Very Clean Tramp is my favorite autobiography title. Doreen St. Felix on Solange and Mariah Smith on SZA were the best profiles I read this week. ALIENS EXIST. I just started Hell's Princess: The Mystery of Belle Gunness, Butcher of Men, a true crime book edited by my genius friend Vivian Lee and I'm loving it. You can download it on Kindle for free right now so do it!!! Aliens EXIST. Also, if you got this far, you probably care at least a little about celebrity stylists, so check out this NYT piece from February about what Selena Gomez wears for a Starbucks run.
MOVIES: I was so scared for Annihilation to come out because I love Ex Machina, love the book, love the cast, so I was very nervous about a letdown. Not the worst movie to go into with fear! And let that fear continue through the entirety of the film! I loved it though, and strongly recommend seeing it in theaters if you can because it's stunning.
Ok bye!!!