I just wanted to take another look at my feud with Bradley Cooper
No, sorry, I'm still not ready to discuss Kendall Jenner's acne, but I hope to be brave like her one day. I still, unfortunately, have a physical form despite my best efforts not to and it's my deepest shame. A subletter left a sample of Sunday Riley's Good Genes at our apartment so I tried it and I am very upset to say it worked very well! So now I'm trying to budget for an $158 bottle of lactic acid serum that will finally exfoliate my face into oblivion.
If I must have a face, I'm going for the pallor of Robert Pattinson as Edward Cullen, but I know I actually have the skin of Robert Pattinson in Good Time.
HOWEVER speaking of compelling trailers, I will try and parse my feelings about Bradley Cooper, which is perhaps an even darker topic than Kendall Jenner's blackheads. See, after all these years knowing with certainty that BCoop is my nemesis, maybe it's time to let the old ways die?
Things between me and Bradley started out just fine. I enjoyed Alias and I vaguely remember seeing The Hangover in theaters with my mom. Then David O Russell came into the picture.
I have never successfully articulated the queasiness I felt watching Silver Linings Playbook unfold before me, but it was kinda like eating a slice of frozen pizza that you realize isn't cooked all the way though when you take a bite and not having the emotional energy to reheat it so continuing to chew tiny bits of ice and hard cheese and marinara sauce that is probably actually just sugar and red food dye. I didn't like it, and I have done that.
Because I have a bad personality, it's never been enough for me to merely not enjoy something other people seem to like. I need to get all righteous about it while maintaining that Zayn's solo music isn't really that bad. That's why I got into celebrity gossip in the first place! Don't listen to anything I tell you about being interested in the human condition or like oh actually I double majored in psychology and anthropology and I'm coming to it from an intellectual perspective blah blah blah. And what do you know...David O Russell is a very bad dude. He doesn't even deny gropinghis teenage niece! He just denies that groping his niece was wrong. Uh huh. Generally, you don't make someone pinky promise not to talk about something you're proud of. He also had a tantrum on set and screamed at Lily Tomlin (CAN U IMAGINE CALLING LILY TOMLIN A CUNT AND LIVING WITH YOURSELF) and made Amy Adams cry. Apparently rubbing actors' genitals is part of his creative process. Selena Gomez once said that she really wanted to work with David O Russell because he's an asshole and I have never been less shocked when someone signed on to a Woody Allen movie!
He also wasted Catherine Keener's time once, which I will not stand for.
A screenshot from David O Russell's Wikipedia page, which doesn't have any information about the time he admitted to sexually assaulting a family member.
So yes, while these actions were not Bradley Cooper's actions, consistently working with the dude is poor judgement at best. Also, the movies were bad. Full disclosure, I owned a DVD of I Heart Huckabees in high school. Nobody's perfect. Hell, I'm still finding out which people I used to work with were serial harassers! That shit's hard to keep track of, I get it. Please Google someone before you make three or movies with them, though.
But let's talk about something Bradley Cooper himself actually did! You know, besides agreeing to be in Aloha, which, yikes!
A screenshot from Bradley Cooper's Wikipedia that I like.
The moment the mere mention of Bradley Cooper started to make my blood boil was when some paparazzi photos of the man (38) and girlfriend at the time Suki Waterhouse (21) reading Lolita in the park together while he grabbed her thigh.
Worth noting that Suki was of legal age and perhaps Bradley Cooper's reasons for wanting to make headlines for being seen with a beautiful female model are not as straightforward as they might seem at first blush. But please, men, never grab a woman's thigh in a public park. I'm asking so little of you! Why would you do that do that do that do that do that to me.
As someone who LOVES extremely staged paparazzi photos of couples, I felt betrayed. These pictures made me feel icky. Give me Speidi Easter! Give me Hiddleswift cavorting on the rocks! KEEP THIS FAR AWAY FROM ME.
So yeah, after this and American Sniper, Brad became one of my least favorite celebrities. And I dislike so many celebrities! Most of them, really! But now I'm falling. In all the good times, I'm finding myself longing for change.
It actually started with the way the paparazzi captured our hero with his next model girlfriend, Irina Shayk, who seem to have derived zero joy from each other for he entirety of their relationship. Truly a couple after my own heart! I believe celebrities should spend most of their time fighting at Wimbledon and barely concealing disdain for each other at awards shows. And so when I began to see Bradley Cooper as a man who sees every part of his life that is not micromanaging Lady Gaga's fake eyebrows for her performance of "La Vie En Rose" as excruciating, I began to warm up to him.
I'll never love again
And yes, awards shows! Post Golden Globes, A Star Is Born is shaping up to be a bit of an underdog after all. A STAR IS BURNT, RITE. Ugh, I accidentally saw Green Book in theaters on Saturday! Well, I knew I was seeing Green Book I just didn't know what the fuck Green Book was because whoooooooOOOOOOOooooo did and certainly had no idea that it was directed by the racist dick flasher behind Shallow Hal. Sometimes when two people both haven't seen a movie or heard anything about it, there's a reason! So yes, that is the last time in my life I will do anything spontaneous unless Bradley Cooper sends a man in a suit to follow me to my home and workplace until I agree to get on his private jet after knowing me for less than 24 hours.
I think Bradley Coopbrick (get it...it's Bradley Cooper mixed with Stanley Kubrick do you see what I'm trying to do here...he's a serious director) might get shut out entirely for his big passion project, which would be both endearing and very fitting!!!!! "Shallow" will and should win. Gaga (YAS GAGA) is a 50/50 for actress, but I'm cool with Glenn Close or Melissa McCarthy and would LOVE for Regina Hall or Olivia Coleman to take it home. I don't personally believe we should award male actors at all. I do wish there was an Oscar specifically for casting Halsey in a movie as herself and making her say, "Oh, great." I would definitely considering giving that one to Bradley Cooper.
Justice for Amy Adams,
xoxo Tricia