I had something else I was gonna send out but then Grimes started talking about experimental surgery on her eyeballs and, well, you know the drill.
GROOP
Grimes latest Instagram post is nothing if not confirmation that she’s still dating Elon Musk.
Source: Instagram/@Grimes
I have nothing to add except that all this talk of efficiency is, well, some real union buster shit! And why do you need experimental surgery for seasonal depression if you live in LA?
She sort of Claire-ified questions about her eyes in the sense that now I have more questions.
Source: @Grimezsz/Twitter
I will admit that having access to a sensory deprivation tank for daily use is the one perk of dating a billionaire I can get behind. Unclear how, with all this optimization happening, he’s still walking around with sweat stains on his Hyperloop Pod Competition tee, but whatever.
If you’re interested in a layman’s guide to the science floating somewhere in the atmosphere of Claire’s dubious claims, Rolling Stone has an explainer.
POOSH NOTIFICATION
Kourtney Kardashian is still at it!
Source: Poosh.com
Here’s a sample blog post from Poosh about being “woke” that was written by Ryan Haddon a “certified spiritual/life coach hypnotherapist.” It’s not about being aware of injustice, but rather strips the term of all its context and makes it about communication being an important part of any relationship blah blah. Again, it was written by a hypnotherapist. The featured image is…Brigitte Bardot, who is legally considered a racist by the French government and espouses plenty of other abhorrent viewpoints.
Poosh is everything I could have imagined and so much more.
ENEMA OF THE KATE
Katy Perry and Orlando Bloom, meanwhile, are looking to the past for their wellness routine because just because it’s over doesn’t mean it’s really and if I think it over maybe you’ll be coming over again and I’ll have to get over you all over again.
“I’m kind of into those type of things, like health and healing places and self-betterment places,” Perry told some Australian radio show called Smallzy’s Surgery because of course it is, per The Daily Mail. “Especially as you get older and you have longer hangovers, you realize the cells in my body are dying. I did this thing called Panca Karma, it’s basically Ayurvedic eating and cleansing, you do lots of enemas. You definitely feel more energy, it basically like gets all the crap out of you, every pun intended.”
This is all pretty apparent from her “Never Really Over” video, which features a bunch of Eastern practices that have embraced by the West like acupuncture and cupping…but with hearts! I’m glad she’s no longer performing as a geisha.
Source: Katy Perry/Vevo
I hope Katy, Orlando, and Apple Cider Vinegar continue to find happiness with each other. I will never trust a single word these people say about toxins.
Meanwhile, to bring it back to tech bros (because I’m out here trying to cut my life span in half) Orlando’s ex, Miranda Kerr says her one-year-old baby inherited dry skin from her dad, Snapchat founder Evan Spiegel.
I’m obsessed with Miranda Kerr talking shit about her infant’s skin! “Well, he naturally has very dry skin—it’s part of his genetics,” Kerr told W. “It’s interesting because I have an eight-year-old son who has a different dad Orlando Bloom, and I’ve always used the products on him, and his skin’s always been great. But now with my second son, with Evan, he has naturally his dad’s skin.”
The great part is, this isn’t her first time dragging her husband’s skin in the press.
Oh god, I love this bitch. Worth noting that she is promoting Kora Organics, her skincare line that maybe you should buy the little alligator-looking creature that slithered out of your vagina a few short months ago to make sure it’s portrait-mode ready.
Maybe this is why Snapchat filters exist???? Because of Evan Spiegel’s CURSED PORES. Fun how he and Kylie both profited off an app that makes your face look different and distorted beauty standards and currently have revenue streams based on skincare.
Source: Sony Picture Classics
My wellness icon is, as always, Julianne Moore in Safe.
My best advice is to eat a plant based diet and remember that fame and and wealth are spiritually corrosive! Oh, and I like my humidifier…Claire is on to something. Maybe Miranda Kerr’s baby should try it?
xoxo Troop