Always say, "I'm sorry, Ms. Jackson."
Does Janet Jackson have an elaborate revenge plot against Justin Timberlake????? God, I hope so!
Presenting my favorite blind item in the history of blind items, courtesy Crazy Days and Nights:
For those who don't religiously follow celebrity gossip but somehow found your way here (hi, thank you!), a blind item is a morsel of (typically juicy) gossip revealed by an anonymous source that doesn't actually name the subjects in question, therefore side-stepping legal ramifications. CDAN is run by Enty/Ent Lawyer, an anonymous blogger who claims to be a well-connected entertainment lawyer. Vanity Fair semi-recently ran a phenomenal interview with him following the demise of Brangelina that has some fascinating insight.
Basically, blinds are often true, but thanks to cloaks of anonymity, they typically fly under the radar because it's in the interest of most celebrities with something to hide to steer clear of recognizing their validity by interacting in any way, and can even incriminate themselves in the process. The lady doth protest too much, methinks, as my downstairs neighbors who fucking put on Shakespeare productions in our backyard might say. Still, it's typically pretty easy for amateur sleuths to ID the subjects, and the people who craft 'em will occasionally give pseudonyms to certain celebs frequently discussed that eliminates the guesswork once the first case has been cracked. Are they all true? Def no! But once there's enough evidence that libel isn't as much of a risk, blinds are revealed. Notably, Blind Gossip knew two years ago that Kris Jenner was desperate for three of her daughters to get pregnant at the same time, and what do ya know!
Anyway, this item is still blind, but it's totally about Janet Jackson and Justin Timberlake!!!!!!! Please imagine "Nasty" Janet in her blazer/turtleneck combo for the next few paragraphs.
It follows the news that Justin Timberlake will be returning to the Super Bowl to headline the half time show -- his first time back since his guest spot during Janet Jackson's 2004 show torpedoed his career while JT faced pretty much zero repercussions. Or, apparently, regret. Kid Rock, Diddy, and Nelly also joined her on stage that night, a lineup that totally holds up.
Timberlake isn't a super inspired choice right now (even tho Justified still rips) considering his last effort, The 20/20 Experience, an album so boring he released it twice and no one cared (tuff luv, baby, I know you have more in you.) And, unlike certain people, he's never left the public eye, so it's not even fun from a comeback perspective. But it's also a lil weird to me that the Pepsi Halftime Show would revisit an old controversy right now considering that Pepsi, football, and literally everything are touchy subjects these days. But I am merely a Tastemaker without corporate backing offering her two cents. Join the conversation.
In pretty much any scenario, visualizing Janet Jackson in a film noir revenge plot would send chills of joy down my spine. But this payback would be direct wish fulfillment for a rage that's been festering inside me for the better part of two decades. We must all live to see the fruits of her labor.
Now let's turn our attention to Janet in smart gray slacks and a coordinating turtleneck paired with another blazer. A leather blazer, specifically.
1) She has the funds :)
Jackson recently filed for divorce from billionaire husband, Wissam al Mana of five years, just after the couple welcomed a child. Even if the rampant speculation that their pre nup had a clause that awarded her for hitting that half-decade mark isn't true, she'll probably get substantial payments from the dude as his family continues to rake in cash from business ventures from Hermes, McDonalds, and everything in between. And that's not even factoring in the fact that she's a multi-millionaire in her own right and a FUCKING JACKSON. So yeah, she can hire the best.
2) People don't change
Timberlake has positioned himself as Cry Me a River Dude, but tabloids presented a different narrative in the early aughts, years after the demise of our denim clad lovebirds, Pinky and Stinky. Biel and Timberlake actually broke up once in 2011 amid persistent rumors that he cheated on her with Olivia Munn. Who knows if that's true! I'm sure rat-faced Bachelorette winner Jordan Rodgers has an opinion. But anyway I will always believe celeb dudes cheat on their wives and this isn't a great week to underestimate the destructive power of horndog men in Hollywood.
As for Biel, well, it's my personal belief that marriage to JT is already The Bad Place based on the fact that he's totally THAT guy:
Biel herself is off a recent career high after her limited series, The Sinner, which I actually watched in its entirety and mostly liked except for the weird and totally unnecessary incest plotlines and also a brilliant arc on Bojack Horseman as herself that played on her inescapable Bielness
But while I believe no woman should have to pay penance for her husbands Super Bowl mistakes, it's hard for me to root for her right. She's currently embroiled in a scandal at her upscale children's restaurant, Au Fudge.
If you're unfamiliar with Au Fudge, it is truly the joy of my life to rip away your innocence! You should really read Kara Brown's excellent account of her trip to the restaurant for Jezebel in its entirety. But basically, it's a faux-French restaurant where mother and child can dine on overpriced gluten free food and you can send your kid to a $15 yoga class while you drink a cocktail called First Base with the option of adding an extra shot for $6 and making it all the way to second base you naughty grrrl, like I assume they do in the film Bad Moms. Or get the DILF. Whatever. This is you time!
Anyway, my point in bringing up Au Fudge, apart from the obvious fact that I'd be content to discuss Au Fudge constantly, is that Biel and her business partners are currently being sued by their employees for stiffing them out of thousands of dollars in tips and denying them breaks. I can't find the article now but I promise, somewhere out there, there's a quote that says, "We were promised 7th Heaven, but we got hell."
Here's the official Au Fudge candle, which smells like amber patchouli for some reason:
So yes, I am particularly unsympathetic to the Biel-Timberlakes right now, even as someone who has always felt like their relationship seems Scientology-ish without the Scientology. And I am always, always here for a Janet Jackson revenge plot so she can don her MISSION ACCOMPLISHED turtleneck.
Luv ya,
Trasha