All they do is piss and moan inside the Rolling Stone

Y'all..............I don't think I can continue using Twitter for external validation and attempts to parlay topical jokes into a development deal with NBC that ultimately won't even result in a pilot but will improve my lifestyle until the money runs dry and I have to sell my collection of long Maryam Nassir Zadeh dresses that I conned myself into thinking I could pull off and never actually left the house in :(

If only

This is an interesting take, right? That Twitter isn't fun anymore? Glad that, as a visionary, I'm constantly opening your mind when you open your email. 

But no, I don't necessarily hate Twitter because of all the bad news, some of which I fully believe is caused by Twitter itself (big ups to Facebook, too!) It's frustrating because the quality of my own tweets has declined significantly. I think it really started when I realized that I accidentally deleted one of my few good tweets! It said "It started out with a Kris. How did it end up like this? It was only a Kris it was only a Kris" and had a pic of Kris Jenner and then a pic of her with all her daughters. And maybe Rob? Who knows. I still like Killers memes, by the way. If Twitter were mostly Killers memes, it would be great. Twitter is not fun, but explaining tweets definitely is. 

Anyway, not much later, I did another stupid tweet in that format, but it was about the Hollywood Chrisses (who bore me to tears unless they're dating Jenny Slate) and it was a lot more popular and Bustle wrote it up because you know the whole monkeys on typewriters theory. That made me feel dead inside (not because I don't want Bustle to write about me, although, I cannot say I have ever actually had that specific desire), but because I know that sitting down in a theater to watch Avengers: Infinity Pool War would feel like a dissociative episode for me and it felt weird to be rewarded for engaging with something I don't care about. In case you haven't noticed, I'm weird. I'm a weirdo. I don't fit in and I don't want to fit in. Have you ever seen me without this stupid hat on? That's weird. 

But back to my extremely niche interest: THE KARDASHIANS. ICYMI: Kanye West is coming out of his cage and he's doing just.......Kanye. 

I'm not going to talk about that here, exactly, because I don't want to. But! the one tiny piece of joy I got from the whole ordeal is finally seeing a glimpse inside the Kimye mansion, which I guess Kanye forbade Kim from putting on social media and...he just...he tweeted it out.

I've had so many questions ever since I read Molly Young's profile of Kim for Elle. 

I love it! It's the exact kind of sterile museum environment I look forward to raising three children and a Pomeranian in, and I mean that sincerely. This soothes me and I welcome Axel Vervoordt to head to Ridgewood if he'd like to collaborate on my space. Have you listened to the new Grouper album? I know there's a lot of great stuff out today (Janelle Monae! Speedy Ortiz!) but Grid of Points is my fave because I am only psychologically equipped to deal with ethereal vocals and a fingertip brushing a piano key every four seconds. Hence my love of this interior design scheme. 

That's the good shit.

The interior design world is the only place that's really comforting to me online now. My finsta is just for following apartment inspo accounts and very occasionally logging pictures of aesthetic inspiration I come across. It's a very relaxing scroll! And duh I love it when it intersects with my only other interest, famous people. 

Have you seen this video of Zedd's house? I have watched it like 30 times. I have only made about $500 total DJing in my life, so I don't think I can ever afford something like this, but if I could, I would definitely go for it or one of those mansions in American Crime Story: The Assassination of Gianni Versace that's super 80s in the way that's so trendy right now. 

Zedd's house is my ideal because it's sterile but also has trees growing inside it and lots of little pools. Also, there's a little movable faucet right next to the stove so you can fill pots with water when they're actually on the burners instead of moving a huge vat of liquid from your sink! I think living spaces that are not mansions should come equipped with those, too, but I'm still very satisfied with my current apartment. HOWEVER I was briefly in a very rich couple's apartment off Union Square unsupervised this week, which was exciting. They have one of those really expensive designer cats that looks like an ocelot and what I believe was an actual Picasso print of a butt, and I certainly would not mind having those things. 

The best celebrity real estate content is how awkwardly writers will try to throw pop culture references into the copy. Lonny dot com, you bring me joy. 

Here at Trissues, we stan Red and also sentences (apparently) composed by robots. Let the machines take me away.

This caption is weird because I'm pretty sure Lauren Conrad doesn't have friends. 

Here, they were probably just trying to say that Jared Leto was very busy leading up to Dallas Buyers Club, but it comes off as super rude if you take a second to think about the fact that he lost 40 pounds to play an AIDS patient. This caption is a mistake and so was casting a cisgender man in that role and then giving him an Oscar for it. 
Get it, bc Hunger Games. 
Okay I just need to clarify one thing here: Oscar Isaac and I are the king and queen of ska. Gwen Stefani is the queen of making me too embarrassed to consider PDA or even speaking my significant other's name out loud for the rest of my life. But yes, I would love to have her Eclectic Rockstar Home. 

Well, that's it for this week, kids. Have a great weekend and remember that aligning yourself with the current president of the United States in any way whatsoever makes you complicit in the suffering of millions of our nation's most vulnerable people and billions worldwide! So just fucking don't.

xoxo Tricia