A Tale of Two Travises
A quick note on Trissues! I moved the newsletter to Substack, where I will be offering an optional paid subscription. I’ll be sending out two Trissues a week (on Tuesday and Thursday). Thursdays will be free, but if you want the full Trissues experience so I can become the youngest self-made billionaire in the world, you can opt to pay $5 a month to receive both emails.
OK now onto the Trissues.
Is Jordyn out of the woods yet? Is she out of the woods yet? Is she out of the woods yet? Is she out of the woods? Is she in the clear now? Is she in the clear yet? Is she in the clear yet? Is she in the clear yet? Is she in the clear?
Unfortunately for Team Trissues, it appears that Kylie and Jordyn still have not reconciled. But Khloe did finally acknowledge that it’s not Jordyn’s fault that Tristan cheated on her constantly, so wow, learning and growing. Or at least she realized it was bad PR, which in Kardashian speak, is as close to personal growth as we can hope for.
It’s a shame, because Kylie could definitely use a friend right now. Something is up with her relationship with Travis Scott, who may have been participating in the favorite hobby of Kardashian men: infidelity. Allegedly, Kylie caught him cheating or at least sending suspicious DMs. He canceled a concert to fly home and temporarily deleted his Instagram account, which I guess made it better? I don’t know, these dudes get away with so much and are forgiven constantly while Jordyn is a Calabasas pariah.
ALSO Is Kourtney Kardashian dating Travis Barker????
Barker is actually a long term Kardashian friend, because I guess that’s just what happens when you have mansions in Calabasas. I will always treasure his appearance on a holiday episode of KUWTK, in which he made an anarchy themed gingerbread house.
Source: E!
Even though Travis and his punk rock children would make sense as a blended family with Kourtney, Scott, Sofia Richie, Mason, Penelope, Reign, Honey the Pomeranian, Landon, Alabama, and I’m guessing some sentient chia seeds…not sure I buy that they’re actually a thing. Did you know they go to the same church? Or that Travis goes to church? Church is very important to Kourtney!
BUT he’s just not Kourtney’s usual type, which is exclusively younger men. First Scott and then maybe Justin Bieber then the Younes era. Most recently, she was linked to hypebeast Luka Sabbat, although the two denied a romance. Luka was born in 1997, the year Dude Ranch came out, which means he was one year old when Travis joined blink in 1998 and presumably was not a baby. I don’t know. Maybe it’s just because I love Kourt doing the same thing every famous dude would do in her situation and going for the Insta thots. Maybe, unlike Tom DeLonge, I don’t want to believe.
I’m also reluctant to believe there’s anything to this rumor (which has flown around before) because it’s not on TMZ, which is the trustiest source for Kardashian updates. Radar Online not so much.
BUT the real reason I’m writing about this is I will take any opportunity to discuss Travis Barker’s ex-wife, Shanna Moakler! They actually had a reality show of their own back in 2005, Meet the Barkers. And!!!!! She hosted what is possibly the most disturbing reality show I’ve seen every episode of….Bridalplasty. It’s a show where women competed to win plastic surgery ahead of their weddings, so you will not be surprised to learn that Giuliana Rancic was an executive producer. People say things like “She’s certainly going to fill out her wedding dress” about an unconscious woman and “Dr. Dubrow can fix faces, he can’t fix personalities.” I feel like I should take a second to clarify that this show is bad. Got it, ok? Please don’t take my feminism credentials away.
So I’m not saying you should watch this show, but if you do, please do it on YouTube complete with the E! news ticker from 2010, because it has lots of little gems like a quote from Justin Bieber’s It Get’s Better ad, in which he said, “Being a bully is not cool.” True!
By the time Bridalplasty came along, Moakler and Barker had been on again, off again for several years. He filed for divorce in 2006 and she blogged about her broken heart on MySpace (same, girl), but they rekindled their relationship a few times. Allegedly once because she got jealous when he was dating Paris Hilton, which is perfect. Travis also dated Rita Ora a few years ago.
What is it about reality television and pop punk that is the perfect recipe for romance? I think it’s probably a combination of all these dudes who have developed a persecution complex because they’re wEiRd and dIfFerEnT or whatever being in a position where they can hook up with the Traditional Hot Girl and all the Traditional Hot Girls on reality television having tons of demons, as anyone who would willingly be on reality television definitely does.
A few more couples to consider:
Nicole Richie and Joel Madden: Together since 2006, the golden era.
Paris Hilton and Benji Madden: Another Simple Life/Good Charlotte crossover event! Paris and Benji dated for 9 months in 2008, just long enough for him to appear on Paris Hilton’s My New BFF, which I also watched every episode of.
Paris Hilton and Doug Reinhardt: Doug Reinhardt was a very minor player on The Hills and a completely unremarkable baseball player. They dated on and off for a bit following her relationship with Benji, and yes, he also made an appearance on Paris Hilton’s My New BFF. Because, and this may come as a shock, the first winner of Paris Hilton’s My New BFF did not actually become Paris Hilton’s real BFF and they did a second season of the show!
While we’re talking about The Hills, I need to shout out perhaps the most important piece of pop culture of the aughts…Alkaline Trio’s appearance on the show! Audrina loves Alkaline Trio and is super psyched they’ll be recording at her place of work, Epic Records. She invites LC and Lo as something of an olive branch in their tense relationship at the time (because who can stand LC and Lo besides LC and Lo???) and they stay for a few seconds, mostly texting, before deciding to grab sushi. Audrina is crestfallen.
Because The Hills is a perfect show, this clearly scripted interaction takes place in an absurdly short amount of time. If any of this were real, Lauren would have spent approximately 300x more time parking than she spent listening to Alkaline Trio before deciding it was not her jam. Pop punk and reality television (with the exception of The Bachelor) know not to drag things on for too long.
Lauren Conrad and William Tell: Lauren DOES however, enjoy Something Corporate, or at least former guitarists of Something Corporate who quit music to become lawyers. She’s been with William Tell since 2012 and they married in 2014. Congratulations if you’re still awake after reading a sentence about Lauren Conrad and her husband.
Pete Wentz and Ashlee Simpson: My faves. Pete and Ashlee were together from 2006 to 2011 and share a son named Bronx Mowgli.
Heidi Klum and Tom Kaulitz: Heidi Klum is currently engaged to Tokio Hotel Club guitarist Tom Kaulitz.
Sophie Monk and Benji Madden: Before he and Paris got together, Benji was engaged to Sophie Monk….who is an Australian celebrity I don’t entirely understand. I guess she was an actress for a while and then in 2017 she was the Australian Bachelorette and is now hosting their version of Love Island. Cool!
I’m sure I’m forgetting tons. So yes, if this Kourtney & Travis thing turns out to be the real deal….they are a part of my favorite tradition.
xoxo,
Trasha
What I’m listening to this week: