Bieber Marries Cube
Do you Beliebe in life after love?
Hi! Bieber married! Again!
A year after his courthouse wedding to Hailey Baldwin, he remarried his beautiful cube wife in a church.
The couple screened The Notebook for guests. They are, until further notice, very boring. And I love that for him! After the pet monkey and yelling “Fuck Bill Clinton!” (tru) while peeing in a bucket and wandering the streets of Boston barefoot, I’m relieved to see him just be a corny adult for a bit.
But let’s talk about the guests. Kendall and Kylie Jenner both attended, but I see no evidence to shatter my belief that the sisters are feuding. A blind item a couple weeks ago suggested as much. Then Kylie (wisely) skipped her scheduled appearance at the Emmys to present an award onstage with Kim and Kendall…it did not go well. Kylie was allegedly hospitalized with “flu like symptoms” but who is to say (besides, I guess, doctors) that the thought of speaking to Kendall did not give her a fever and aching muscles? To be fair, Kylie also skipped an appearance at the Balmain fashion show to promote her new Kylie cosmetics collaboration.
At the wedding, the only evidence of them interacting is a group selfie.
Source: @KendallJenner/Instagram
They didn’t even seem to pose together for the black and white landscape photo booth that the Kardashian family popularized.
Source: @JustineSkye/Instagram
Weirder still, Kris posted a family photo that did not include Kendall.
The last time Kendall appeared on Kylie’s Instagram grid was in May for the Met Gala, where they wore coordinated Versace looks. Kendall posted photos from that night, but none with Kylie even though, again, they were dressed as a set. Kendall’s last post featuring Kylie was a family photo paired with a meme about avoiding pregnancy in April.
Kendall was not present for Kylie’s 22nd Italian birthday extravaganza over the summer, opting to stay home and grab dinner with Caitlyn instead. I understand that not jetting off to Europe for a birthday party seems reasonable, but not for this weird as fuck family. Kendall did not post an Instagram for Kylie’s birthday, also shocking Kardashian behavior.
Kendall and Kylie also did not fly in the same private jet for the Bieber wedding. In fact, according to her Insta story, Kylie seems to have boarded her plane directly after the reception, which is odd behavior. I guess it could just be a billionaire thing and not a fuck Kendall thing, but why not both? Kris appears to have flown to the festivities with Kylie.
Kendall, a mere millionaire, did a private jet carpool with Taylor Swift nemeses of past and present Katy Perry and Scooter Braun. I wonder who they talked about!
It’s a little odd to me how Katy Perry and fiancée Orlando Bloom seem to be at every high profile wedding these days, particularly because I was never previously aware of friendship between them and the couple getting hitched. The Bieber nuptials, in particular, seemed to be an affair for close friends of the couple and also Katy Perry. I kinda get it. Katy and Orlando do not seem like a couple I would get along with on a day to day basis, but I imagine they’re fun at weddings. The sort of people who would coax your aunt and uncle onto the dance floor and flirt inappropriately with them. And maybe they’re saying yes to every wedding invitation they get because they’re planning their own over the top affair.
BUT! Karlie Kloss and Scooter appear to be a common thread here. First, they were all present at Karlie and Jared’s Wyoming wedding, which in-laws Ivanka and Jared also showed up for, albeit briefly. Ellie Goulding also attended, and later in the summer, Katy Perry and Karlie Kloss were guests at her wedding to probable mouse detective Caspar Jopling. From what I can tell, Karlie and Ellie initially knew each other as part of Taylor Swift’s squad, but Taylor did not attend either wedding.
Although “Love Me Like You Do” is a bop and the best Fifty Shades theme (sorry Tay and Zayn), I do not think fondly of Ellie Goulding. When I was worked on a story about her, she was boring and rude, a bad combo! When asked to describe her own music, she declined. The story did not run. Unfortunately, she was the special guest for my stop of the 1989 tour instead of, I don’t know, Connie Britton and Mario or whatever.
Last month, Karlie, Joshua Kushner, Katy Perry, Orlando Bloom, and Scooter Braun all attended Misha Nonoo’s wedding. Nonoo is one of Meghan Markle’s best friends and is rumored to have set her up with Prince Harry. Ivanka and Jared were also present, as well as Wendi-Deng Murdoch, who is overdue for a Succession character in her likeness. I don’t really have a point beyond thinking that this friend group, which can be found on billionaire’s yachts when they’re not at weddings, cannot be up to any good. Anyway, I will leave u with this:
Something else I do not trust!!!! Property Brooey
Source: ABC
The Property Brother and Zooey made their first public appearance together at a Dancing With the Stars taping and seemed pretty comfortable, to use a phrase I absolutely despise, packing on the PDA. Like an open concept house, there was no separation between the two and Property Brother kept his arm around Zooey and even kissed her on television. They both looked directly into the camera. It seemed like a PR stunt from the start, but I had the unholy experience of helping the Property Brothers create comedy Vines once, and I can confirm that everything they do feels like a PR stunt so it does read as authentic to their particular brand of extra. Whatever the case, it’s great promo for the She & Him Christmas tour.
I think I did an ok job only kind of complaining about tech billionaires in this edition of my celebrity gossip newsletter?
Til death do us part,
Trashi